Realizations in the City Of Angels
by JoDiNe
Summary: Realizations with a helping hand from a friend from the past (C/A Shipper)
1. Friendship often ends in love but love i...

FIC: Realizations in the City Of Angels  
  
Author: Jodine  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Angel or any of the characters in it.do you think id be writing fanfics? I think not!!  
  
Pairing: C/A Shipper All The Way  
  
Spoilers: Well if you watch Angel.you'd know them all already.  
  
Feedback: Yes please I'm a CC(constructive criticism) & PC(positive comments) - Aholic  
  
Dedications & ThankYou's: I would like to say thank you to Chocoholic for her review. Hopefully I'll add a new chapter soon. But I'd like to say an even bigger thank you to Dilkara, I read it through and realised it was hard to understand (Doyle's part anyway) Hopefully it will be easier to read now.  
  
  
  
Angel stared out onto the city, he could see bright lights covering his home in almost a blanket, and the sky was clear showing a scattering of stars. Sighing he put his hands into the pockets of his duster, and swung his legs over the ledge. Closing his eyes, and taking a gasp of breath he didn't need he could almost imagine her there with him, her hands entwined with his and her vanilla scented smell embracing him. Sensing a presence he skillfully turned to look at the roof behind him, finding nothing he swiveled his head and with a gasp found his friend sat next to him.  
  
"Are you real?" Angel asked unsure at what he was seeing.  
  
"Nah. I'm too handsome to be real". The figure replied with a cheerful grin, he too had his legs dangling over the edge.  
  
"We miss you." Angel spoke quickly; it was a plain, simple ordinary comment that held emotion that had been needed to be expressed for a long time.  
  
"An' I miss you. But you have a mission in life now Angel. Your shanshu, yer destiny an' everything you have worked for these last few years 'ere in L.A. Everything you have ever possibly dreamed of will 'appen 'ere, if you succeed, if yer do what the powers want yer ter do."  
  
Angel shook his head, "The powers are dead, i dont deserve anything."  
  
"Do yer remember how an old sayin' goes Angel? It starts. "There 'as ter be evil-"  
  
"- so that good can prove its purity above it!" Angel finished.  
  
"Aye. You see, there is evil in everyone of us, but sometimes that evil is let out an' allowed ter be the master over the good. Just like when yer were Angelus, that was evil, but now you are Angel an' Angel is good. Yet still in yourself as Angel yer 'av the demon, yer 'av the evil, yet yer fight it every day, you conquer it an' you carry on. An' one day, one day soon, that goodness will be rewarded an' yer shall be forever good, forever pure. That day will be yer shanshu Angel."  
  
Angel sat in silence taking in his words, "Im alone Doyle." He said finally.  
  
"Yer cannot be lonely if yer like the person you're alone with." Doyle replied knowing.  
  
"I love her Doyle, i love her so much it hurts to think. But she doesnt love me back."  
  
"Y'know i reckon Cordy was rite all those times!" Doyle said slowly  
  
"Right? Right about what?" Angel asked  
  
"Yer a dumbass!"  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"Yer 'eard me, yer a great big non-alive vampire with a soul, broody-boy, nightwalker, dumbass."  
  
"Doyle?" Angel said, but Doyle stopped him.  
  
"Don't yer dare Angel, don't yer dare. I left 'er at the very moment i should av been with 'er. I left 'er so that she'd 'av a future, an' yer bleedin well messin' it up. Big style." The dead half demon replied.  
  
"I can't help the way I feel." Angel muttered.  
  
"No angel yer not gettin' the point, the future for Cordelia was with you. I left cos i knew, jeez just look at yer both an' yer can tell. When yer together its like yer both in on one big secret an' no one else is allowed in. When yer together yer both make each other feel whole, feel 'appy. The trouble is Angel, she don't know an' guess who's fault 'tis again. Yers, its yer fault. Yer see, yer forgettin' the basic rule of love. People are not gonna love yer unless yer love them. Meanin' unless yer get over this broody-boy vampire with a soul act, she's never gonna know that you love 'er. An' yer never gonna find out what could av been, an' believe me angel you'll end up regrettin' it. So i'm sorry about the way yer feel angel, cos i know that if yer telk 'er that yer love 'er, maybe just she might turn 'round an' say that she loves yer too."  
  
Doyle turned back to look at the city he had been gone from for two years.  
  
Angel sighed, "Its not that simple!"  
  
"What's not?" Angel heard a voice but it wasn't Doyle's, because Doyle wasn't there, not on earth anyway, and Angel had a sneaky suspicion than somehow it had all been set up.  
  
"Angel?" He heard that voice again, that sweet, calm, caring, gentle, reassuring voice that came from the girl he was in love with.  
  
"It doesn't matter Cordy." He replied not bothering to turn round, knowing that she was still there.  
  
"It always matters Angel, maybe it isn't as big or as small as other things that happens, but it always matters. Everything that happens matters to someone in someway." she said walking towards him until she reached his side.  
  
Angel sighed, she always made so much sense and now he could sense that she was beside him. He could smell her, hear her heart beat and he could almost, just almost feel her.  
  
"Where's Groo?" Angel almost growled.  
  
"He left." Cordelia replied sitting next to him on the ledge.  
  
"Gone to your apartment?" Angel questioned, although there couldn't really be a different answer.  
  
"No, he's left, for good." there was a different answer, yet she still didn't seem upset.  
  
"Why?" Angel asked then realization sunk in, "When are you leaving?"  
  
"Tomorrow." Cordelia replied, "After I've packed."  
  
"Has he asked you to marry him?"  
  
"Who? Groo?" Cordelia said with surprise.  
  
"Yes, your going to be with him, so has he asked you?"  
  
"Angel I'm not going to be with Groo. Yes, he asked me to marry him but I said no." Cordelia replied with a sad smile.  
  
"Then why are you leaving?" He turned to face her, his face full of confusion.  
  
It was her time to sigh, "Its complicated."  
  
"So...I'm the king of complication, explain."  
  
"I have too, because of me and because of you."  
  
"Wasn't expecting that, thought you said it was complicated?"  
  
"It is."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It doesn't matter, but I'm leaving, going back to Sunnydale to tie up a few loose ends and then I'm outta here." She stood and with a small smile acknowledged that he was where he belonged, yet there was no place for her with him.  
  
He stood up after her, "Cor-"  
  
She silenced him quickly, "I came to say goodbye Angel, and if you say anything else I'll never be able to leave. Just let me leave without having to cry."  
  
She walked quickly to the other side of the roof, and under her breath whispered the only words she had left to say to her best friend.  
  
He stayed standing and watched her leave, slipping gracefully behind the door, down the stairs and into the darkness of his city. He heard her try to close the front door and quietly as possible, so not to disturb the others and after that he could sense her no longer.  
  
"Damn..."Angel ran a hand through his hair and harshly cursed himself under the moonlight.  
  
"Jeez man, really know 'ow ter make 'em cry for yer, don't yer?" Angel immediately knew Doyle had returned. "What am I going to do?" He asked unable to move.  
  
"Me reccomendashun would be a stake through the 'eart, quite painless, or so I've 'eard." Doyle tried to make light of the situation, then realizing Angel really didn't know what to do continued, "Ar' yer serious? She's just said no ter Groo, that means she's either takin' after another one of de slayer's friends, lookin' for a job as a nun or she might just 'av feelings for yer. "  
  
"What? Oh you mean Willow. OH! No, no way." Angel stuttered taking in what Doyle was saying and understanding the truth behind what he was saying, "Damn! I let her walk."  
  
"So now the man gets it, jeez giv' the dumbass a medal. Ah an' Angel yer might just want ter-. " Doyle said but before he could finish, the door to the stairs was flung open and Angel was gone.  
  
"Run." Doyle finished and with a smile he was gone, leaving the roof that looked out onto the city of Angels silent once more. 


	2. I will find you wherever you will run!

"Cor-" Angel walked into the apartment and stopped dead just inside the door. He couldn't sense her; he couldn't hear her and he couldn't smell her.  
  
She had already left. He was half an hour too late. Half an hour to late to tell his best friend that he loved her. Half an hour to late to let her know he cared. Slumping on her sofa he held his head in his hands. The tears wouldn't come for him, it was his own fault and he didn't deserve to feel any less pain, any less heartbreak.  
  
As if it was a sign, a post it flew towards him, and hit him surprisingly hard on the forehead. Realising that it wasn't his imagination, he tore it off and read its contents.  
  
SHES GONE TO SUNNYDALE TO LAY SOME THINGS TO REST! SHE SAID IT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN LEAVE! SHE LEFT HALF AN HOUR AGO! GO AFTER HER!  
  
Angel stood as quickly as his legs would let him and ran to his car, leaving the door to Cordelia's apartment swaying after him.  
  
"Thanks Dennis." The ghost heard him call and with an invisible smile Dennis passed through the wall back into his room.  
  
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Cordelia stepped onto the bus handing her ticket to the driver and as if on impulse she looked back but she found nothing only an older lady boarding the bus behind her. She hurried to the middle of the bus and sat down. As the bus pulled out of its station she gave L.A one last glance and as tears rolled down her cheeks she allowed herself to cry.  
  
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Welcome to Sunnydale  
  
  
  
Angel passed the sign almost trying to ignore the fact he was back in the hell mouth. He had formed a plan in his mind.  
  
Find Cordelia. Head back to L.A. No ties. No talks. No bonds. No demons. No arguments. No past. Just Cordelia.  
  
It was a plan. Admittedly on his behalf it wasn't a good plan yet it was a plan all the same. And it was a plan that had kept him from staking himself during the long journey to a town where he had loved, lost and been sent to hell all in one day.  
  
During his drive he had been trying to decide how to actually find Cordelia and in the end he had settled on heading straight for Buffy's place. Jumping out of his car he headed straight for the porch and knocked sharply on the door. There was no answer and impatiently he knocked again, except this time it was for longer.  
  
A light switched on and the cold dark night was flooded with the lamps glare. A small figure looked up at Angel in surprise.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Hello Dawn is Buffy in?" Angel asked hurriedly aware that the girl was unsure whether or not to invite him in.  
  
"Yeah, she's upstairs, BUFFY!!!"  
  
"Thanks." Angel whispered placing his hands behind his back and clutching his fingers together.  
  
"Dawn?" he heard a voice call, "What's the matter?"  
  
"Buffy you've got a visitor."  
  
"If its Spike you can tell him that he can start using the back door, he's been invited in enough tim- Angel."  
  
"Hello Buffy long time no see." Angel said watching the petite blonde run towards the door from the staircase, and embracing him in a hug.  
  
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Cordelia stood at the door of a house, clutching her bag and uncertainly wavered, finally she knocked and heard an array of voices shouting various comments.  
  
"Come in."  
  
"Door's unlocked."  
  
Cordelia hesitated and then pushed open the door. She glanced around the room and saw Xander, Giles and some other guy with his back to her, crowded around the TV.  
  
Xander turned and gave her a smile, "Hi Cordelia." He turned back to the TV and then with a gasp turned back to face her. "Cordelia? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Cordelia?" Giles said rushing to her with a worried expression on his face.  
  
"Hey Barbie." The unknown male said standing and sitting on the arm of the chair.  
  
"Hi Xander, Giles, Spike. Spike?" Cordelia replied slightly shocked.  
  
"Oh," Giles replied, "He's incompetent."  
  
"Hey, I'm not incompetent, I just have a chip, but believe me I'm not Incompetent." Spike said with a growl.  
  
"Yeah whatever, so he has a chip and now he helps us, kills demons and stuff, blahdy bladhy blah.moving on, to you in particular? What are you doing here Queen C?" Xander finished for the watcher, while Spike gave him a rather dirty look.  
  
"I...I'm just here on vacation." Cordelia said quickly flinching at the tone in which Xander used her high school nickname; "I was wondering Giles, whether I could stay with you for a couple of days?"  
  
"Erm." Giles stuttered unsure.  
  
"Of course you can Barbie." Spike said giving Giles a look that said 'shut up, ill explain later'.  
  
With a wink a the boys he grabbed her bag and led her to Giles' spare room leaving an astonished Xander staring after his high school girlfriend.  
  
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So Angel what are you doing in Sunnydale?" Willow asked the vampire settling into the couch opposite from where he and Buffy were sat.  
  
"Oh well Cord-" he looked at Buffy's inquiring face and wondered what to say next he carried on slowly, "-elia came down on business so I came to make sure she was safe." There. He'd explained, it wasn't entirely untrue, yet it wasn't completely honest, but he couldn't find Cordelia while being questioned by Buffy, so it seemed the simplest way.  
  
"So Miss High And Mighty Chase is back in Sunnydale." Buffy sniggered, "That's no surprise."  
  
"Buffy!" Willow said seeing Angels face as her friend scorned Cordelia.  
  
"What? It isn't, she was never going to make it in L.A, I'm surprised she's lasted as long as she has."  
  
"Actually Cordelia still works with me in L.A, she's excellent at her job and as Willow will tell you, a lot of things have changed."  
  
"Cordelia Chase, Change, Pfft yeah right.."  
  
"Buffy!" Willow repeated firmly.  
  
"Actually." Angel replied, "She has."  
  
He watched Buffy's face incredulously frown, "Your kidding?"  
  
"No, ask Willow she knows." Angel said smiling at the redheaded witch.  
  
"Willow?" Buffy asked.  
  
Willow nodded silently and looked at her friend, "She's changed Buffy, she's changed a lot. She's different from when she was at high school, she's. she's even my friend now."  
  
"Your friend? Okay.I'm going to have to see it to believe it." Buffy stated.  
  
"Well I was hoping you might say that," Angel began, "You see I came here, because I cant actually find her." 


	3. Declaration of love!

Xander heard the ring almost instantly, and he quickly snatched the phone from the counter and answered it. "Hello? Oh hi Willow. Yeah. Yeah everything's fine. Why? Oh no nothings happened. Oh well apart from Cordelia showing up, but she's sleeping now. Yeah here at Giles. Why? Oh okay! See you in fifteen. By Will."  
  
Willow placed the phone onto the coffee table.  
  
"Cordelia's fine Angel, she's at Giles' place, with Xander and Spike." She said with a yawn.  
  
"Great, I'll be going then." And before Buffy or Willow could stop him, he was in his car and gone.  
  
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Xander opened the door and took a step back.  
  
"Dead boy." Xander stated calling the vampire by the name he hated.  
  
"Where is she Xander?"  
  
"Where's who?"  
  
"Don't play games with me Xander. Where. Is. Cordelia?" Angel asked his temper beginning to affect his speech.  
  
"What do you want with Queen C?" Xander asked the impatient vampire.  
  
Angel growled, "DON'T YOU CALL HER THAT!"  
  
"Chill dead boy, c'mon its Queen C we're talking about." Xander replied with a cocky grin.  
  
"I TOLD YOU, DON'T CALL HER THAT! ITS NOT WHO SHE IS XANDER AND IF YOU SAY IT ONCE MORE YOU'LL REGRET IT." Angel growled as loudly as he could.  
  
Xander realised he wasn't kidding and nodded, calling Giles he yelled out to the watcher, "Giles, Erm Angels come to pay a little visit."  
  
Cordelia saw the look Spike gave her as she quickly closed the door when she heard Xander answer the door.  
  
"He's come to get you Barbie." Spike said sitting on a chair next to the bed and watching the ex May Queen's face sadden.  
  
"I can't Spike, I really can't see him." She walked towards the bed and collapsed on it facing his chair.  
  
"What happened?" Spike asked slowly.  
  
"I don't know, things just changed and I couldn't handle it. Darla, Connor, The Ballet, Groo so many things happening changing and all I could think about was Angel. Angel, Angel, Angel and all it was doing was tearing me up inside, knowing. Knowing that I could never be to him what Buffy was, knowing he'd never love me back. All I seemed to be doing was crying and I cant take that. I can't take the fact I'm not strong enough to get through it. So I came back here. I thought that maybe I could make amends with the people I needed to and maybe move on."  
  
Spike nodded, "You want me to tell him to go away?"  
  
Cordelia nodded with glassy eyes and he smiled sadly and bent down to brush a piece of hair behind her ear. "It'll be okay Barbie, It'll be okay."  
  
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"Spike?" Angel growled as he saw the blonde vampire exiting the room where he knew Cordelia was.  
  
"Angelus." Spike nodded.  
  
"Its Angel!" Angel stated moving closer to the door, yet Spike blocked his entrance.  
  
"No!" Spike said as he watched the vampire with a soul reach to the door handle, and knocking Angel's hand out of the way he stood directly in front of him.  
  
"Move." Angel growled.  
  
"No! Barbie asked me to tell you to leave so I'm suggesting you do as she wants, before you lose her completely." Spike replied casually but so Angel knew he was serious.  
  
"What on earth is going on here?" A voice called from the door. Angel froze as did Spike.  
  
Buffy stood at the doorway with Willow, Dawn and Tara, watching the vampires argue. Xander and Giles appeared from the kitchen, and Angel gathered they had rang the slayer and her friends.  
  
Angel and Spike backed away from the door and stood in silence.  
  
"I said 'WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?' Is no one going to answer me?" the blonde slayer asked. "What's the big with Cordelia Chase all of a sudden and why on earth are you Angel so desperate to talk to her?"  
  
"Because I love her." Angel said simply realising he couldn't avoid the topic for much longer.  
  
"Took you long enough." Spike growled and promptly sat down on Giles' couch.  
  
"What?" Xander asked confused, "You mean platonic right? RIGHT?"  
  
"Wrong." Spike quipped.  
  
"Shut up Spike." Buffy said and Angel saw the blonde vampire cringe as she gave him an emotionless order.  
  
"NO," a voice said daringly, "you shut up Buffy."  
  
"Cordelia? What is going on here?" That was Xander?  
  
"Yes Cordelia Chase explain." That was Buffy, jeez. Cordelia thought she'd just told her to shut up.  
  
"Cordelia are you okay?" that was Willow as kind as ever.  
  
"Cordelia?" that was Tara's back up to Willow's question.  
  
"Erm niblet why are you wearing slippers?" that question wasn't for her it was from Spike to Dawn but Cordelia heard it and smiled.  
  
"Awkward much?" Cordelia said in answer to all of the questions and from out of no where all she could feel was arms wrap around her and a face bury into her hair. Cordelia stood frozen, it was Angel hugging her and as she looked around the room everyone was staring.  
  
"Angel get off me. Let me go." She commanded and confused he withdrew. Stepping back from him towards the room she had came from she took a deep breath and collapsed onto the floor in agony.  
  
"Cordelia." Angel ran forward and picked her up carefully carrying her to the sofa he settled her down.  
  
"What's the matter with her?" Buffy asked putting her hand on Angels shoulder. Angel shrugged her hand off and frowned.  
  
"Visions." He replied and, "Anyone got any aspirin?"  
  
"No need," Cordelia replied opening her eyes, "The pains gone"  
  
She noticed Angel was still holding her hand and looked up to see Buffy looking confused and hurt. Pulling her hand away she sat up and he immediately sat next to her.  
  
"Now that Miss-I-Have-To-Collapse-In-Pain-So-People-Will-Love-Me is okay maybe we can clear this matter up." Buffy said coldly.  
  
"Slayer, give the girl a break." Spike spoke out and Buffy was surprised.  
  
"What is it with everyone today?" Xander asked, "First Cordelia shows up, then dead boy, then they argue about dead boy seeing Cordelia, then the girls turn up, dead boy declares his love then Cordelia re enters and collapses, and now.now Spike is sticking up for her?"  
  
Cordelia sat on the couch her head spinning, "You declared your love?"  
  
Angel nodded a little sheepishly.  
  
"For Buffy!" She finished. And angel looked at her shocked.  
  
"No Cordy."  
  
It was Buffy's turn to be surprised since when did Angel call Cordelia, Cordy, since when did anyone call Cordelia, Cordy?  
  
"What?" She asked still not able to take anything in.  
  
"FOR GODSAKE BARBIE, HE DECLARED HIS LOVE FOR YOU!" Spike yelled as Giles' put on the kettle.  
  
"Platonic love right? RIGHT?" Xander repeated.  
  
"No Xander," Dawn said maturely, "Romantic Love."  
  
"Soul mate love." Willow said with a smile.  
  
"True Love." Tara added.  
  
"But.but.we," Buffy indicated herself and Angel, " we are soul mates, we had true love."  
  
Angel shook his head, "No Buffy we were first loves, and I will always love you. But I am in love with Cordy and she is my soul mate."  
  
"You are?" Cordelia asked quietly and Angel nodded.  
  
"You are?" Buffy said shocked  
  
"Just as Spike is yours." Cordelia said quietly referring to Buffy's soul mate.  
  
"SPIKE?" Xander asked, "Did you hit you head.Buffy and Spike." he looked at the slayer and the blonde vampire who were sat together and then groaned, "You didn't hit your head, although I'm thinking maybe I did." 


End file.
